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When we die…  (you know a sermon is going to be good when it starts with that phrase!)   When we die…there are usually three things on our tombstone—two of which are utterly useless.  The first is our birth date.  That number is good only for soliciting presents.  And frankly, after a certainly point in life, even presents can’t make up for the depressing reality birthdays become….as I well know.   The second date is the date we died.  That date is truly irrelevant in the great scheme of things.  It is a date none of us know in advance.  Yet, most of us spend our life worrying about when it might happen.  The irony is that the more we worry about when that second date will come, the less we actually focus on the third thing on the tombstone AND the most critical part of the formula… the dash in between. 

My sermon title this morning is from a poem I read recently.  It says it is not when we are born.  It is not when we die.  It is the time in between that truly matters.  And my sermon this morning asks a very simple question… how have you spent the dash in between?

          I recently read a study where psychologists analyzed how people actually used their time over an average lifespan.  Ready?  Over say 75 years…we spend:

24 years sleeping

24 years working

6 years getting dressed (for others of us that change outfits three times before we go out… it is probably more like 60 years)

8 months on the telephone

6 months tying shoes

2 years commuting

8 years watching television

4 years waiting…WAITING! 

Another poet I read, W. H. Davies, who was known to simply gaze into the sky and watch the clouds, once asked, "What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare ?"  And stand and stare we definitely do NOT.  Ok, maybe you don’t necessarily find staring at clouds a great pastime, but what about playing monopoly with your kids?  How about sitting in front of takeout Chinese with your loved one and laughing about something silly that happened that day.  What about taking a walk down the bike path on the east river with your kids?  How about buying flowers for someone who feels unloved?  or just listening to some fabulous music on a blanket in a park?

The stark fact is that we spend very little time in the scheme of life devoted to these essential, healing, acts of love.   And tragically, most of that time will be postponed to the period called retirement, which brings us back to the fact that we don’t know when that second date will come and in what form.

Top ten things never said on one’s deathbed?

10     Wow…if only I could lose 5 more pounds…

9     Wish I’d bought that zebra blouse at Macy’s

          8     I’m still mad I didn’t get that promotion

          7     I wish I had gotten the chance to watch all 1900 of my cable channels

          6     sure wish I hadn’t told my son or daughter I loved them so much

          5     does my hair look ok?

          4     really wish I had spent more time angry

          3     WHERE is my to do list??!!  I have to look at it!

          2     Wonder if I could make more money if switched to a fidelity fund?

1     boy I wasted a lot of time prayin’… 

           How have you lived the dash in between?  The book Seven Habits for Effective People suggests we start from the end.  We’ve all heard this exercise.  Pretend you are at your own funeral and think—what do I want people to say about me?  How do I want to be remembered?  Then ask the scarier question… am I on the right track.  More than likely, we all have some tweaking to do.  I like to do this exercise in reverse sometimes.  Picture what you do with the majority of your time right now—today.  And picture it in detail.  Got it?  Now, project that out to your last day.  THIS is what you will be remembered for… THIS is your legacy.  I especially like to remind myself of this when I am doing something particularly stupid or unkind. 

          Our scripture gives us some pretty good ideas how to make sure that dash in between is lived well.   Ephesians warns “Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil.17 So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

The scripture in Luke then comes in to give us some more detail.  Jesus words from the parable with the lawyer.  The lawyer says what do I need to do to get eternal life?  Jesus says: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."   Jesus is saying, to truly live the dash in between, in the fullest, most holy way, you must do two things:  Love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord with all your heart. 

Well, we have all heard love thy neighbor a million times… it is a huge topic that could encompass everything from foreign policy to how we treat the pizza delivery guy.  It is what preachers use for sermons their entire lives.  So, let me just give you one example of how we can love our neighbor better and therefore how we can live this dash in between better.  Ready?

We need to start listening again.  It sounds simple right?  Yet it is rarely done well.  Here’s an example.  You know how in the beginning of a relationship you just can’t get enough of the person.  Maybe it’s a new friend, a new boyfriend or girlfriend… a new relationship.  You want to hear every story they have ever told, every adventure, every piece of wisdom out of their mouths…  Then, over time, things begin to change.  You stop asking them to tell their stories, to share their hopes and dreams because you think you know them all.  You know you have heard them all.  And here’s the rub:  when hard times hit, when painful things are said or done, at precisely the times when we most need to listen and ask questions, we don’t. Because we “already know” why the person did this, and why they said that.   We’ve heard it all before.  And all of a sudden, we have stopped listening.   And is that how we want to be remembered?  A cold, stone wall – a person unable to hear those around them?  A person unable to provide a safe emotional place?

It’s the same thing for ourselves.  (Love your neighbor-- as YOURSELF?)  Somewhere along the way, we stop listening to our own dreams, we stop listening to our own little inner kid that says “yeah! Do it!  Try it!”  We’ve heard it all before.  We’ve tried those dreams.  They won’t work.  Well, guess what?  success is failure that has simply tried one more time.  There is a wonderful quote by Woodrow Wilson “You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision and with finer spirit of hope and achievement.”  The dream is still there, you just have to listen.

And yes, it’s the same thing for our spiritual relationships.  (You’re your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord with all your heart.)  Most of us go through a period where we can’t get enough of God (probably at a very young age).  Then, after a time, we stop asking the questions, we stop asking to hear God’s stories, God’s dreams.  Worst of all we stop listening.  We stop because we “already know” all the stories and we have read all the important scriptures.  And then when the hard times hit, when life deals out its inevitable pain, there is no need for discussion or questions or honest prayer, because we “know” why God did this and why God said that.  We have heard it all before.  And we stop listening.  We stop praying. 

Relationships die because we stop listening.  People psychologically die WAY before their physical death because they stop listening.  Our spiritual relationships die because we stop listening to God.  Soooooo, what if we just took this one simple step.  What if we began listening again?  Think of how that could enrich our relationships?  Our relationships with ourselves, with our neighbors and most importantly with God. And isn’t that what we all care about?  Isn’t that truly what matters…

What if this were your last day?  Well, it may well be.  Or it may be that you have years left.  But, why risk it?  If this were your last day, how would you live it?  Would it be different than any other Sunday?  How? I hope this week you’ll take a few minutes and take stock of how you spend your time.  Because the most important thing on our tombstone is not the date we were born, or the date we died, but that dash in between.  And the people said… Amen.